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3 Steps to Be a Savvy Boundary Setter

How are you when it comes to setting a boundary in your relationships? Do you hide what you think and hope that the other person will somehow “get it” when you roll your eyes or let out a big sigh?

Do you GET LOUD when you are setting a boundary hoping that the other person will submit and give you what you want because you “bullied” them into it?

Or, maybe you have found a way to effectively communicate your preferences respectfully holding space for yourself and the other person, yet would still like some ways to be a bit more savvy and skilled about it.

What are personal boundaries anyway? Boundaries are actually a way to help you to define where you end and the other person begins. They are equally as unique to each individual as they are important to each individual. They are a way to keep yourself protected and still remain connected with other people and are vital in creating healthy relationships.

Basically, the more you know about who you are, what your values are and what you want and don’t want in your life, the more ability you have to live authentically, congruently and happily in your life!

Conversely, when you don’t really know where you stand in your life or know what your values or preferences are, the more likely you will fall into people pleasing patterns and living to what someone else has deemed what your life should be about. This could then lead to massive resentment, burnout and possibly the end of many of your relationships.

But, that’s not you my Savvy Boundary Setting Sister!

Here are 3 steps you can take right now to get started:

1. Know your boundaries. You must get clear on what’s okay and not okay with you in the most important areas of your life. This could include your physical boundaries, emotional boundaries and boundaries in behavior. Without knowing where you stand in these areas, there is no way someone else can know.

2. Speak in “I” statements. This means that you are going to state your preferences and speak from your perspective and stay out of pointing fingers and blaming.

Use this as a template…

”I feel __________when _________happens because _______________is important to me. What I need is ______________________________.”

This may look like…

“I feel overwhelmed when you make plans for the whole weekend because I value my “down time.” What I need is for you to collaborate with me first before making so many plans.”

Allow Room for Growth-Creating new and improved boundaries should coincide with the new and improved versions of you as you bloom, grow and expand your life. Create personal boundaries for yourself that are representative of who you are TODAY not yesterday. Have an amazing week taking and stand and setting boundaries for yourself and, as always, take care of beautiful you!


Janie Xo


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